Is nothing really said?

I have been going on an organized bike ride every Wednesday lately and the last one was especially grueling. Starting at the Ferry building we rode to the Golden Gate Bridge and then to Land’s End. At the end of the ride we then traveled through Golden Gate Park. In the days since, I have been trying to shore my life up at school and as a volunteer in various capacities. These things were mostly house cleaning. I also went to a party at a Haight Ashbury bar for the city’s bike lanes.

Lately I have been going over my interactions with people and what it does to me. I don’t really feel like it is the stuff that happens between me and anyone in particular. What really affects me is how I feel when I know that others are aware of what has been going on in my life. When things are good you can’t say anything really—no one likes a braggart. However, when it is bad, you can’t say anything either. Of course I do, inadvertently, say things and so do others.

When I say nothing and others say nothing. Is nothing really said? What is important is who is saying nothing. From here it is a simple matter of constructing the different relationships into a coherent picture and looking at it realistically. This means answering questions like: Under what circumstances do people really say nothing to one another? Then there are other questions like: Who knows what and why?

Most of the time, I don’t like asking myself these questions. It all seems so Machiavellian. However, it is important to do so because the subtleties of my personal relationships may not be missed. I am loth to miss something critical to a relationship that is of real consequence to my life.

In the meantime I have been looking at the data in my GPS unit and trying to decipher how to use the device. I intend to visit my brother in Oregon. In time I will have to finish enrolling at school, look for a place to stay in Ashland and maybe catch up with a friend before I leave for a week.

This is series chronicles my life at regular intervals. This Memo series is meant to be a retrospective of what I have written and experienced. In each of these posts I use my notes in conjunction with memory, mementos and souvenirs to create a snap shot of my life.