Her Truck Moving Stuff

I wrote that I rode the bike to PHill and boarded with the bike.  I got off at Embarcadero.  I had already been having misgivings but by the time I had arrived at Kathryn’s house I was upset.  I told her I was “not happy.”  Thankfully no one had arrived yet.  I sat for a while holding my tongue but eventually she asked me to help her break stuff down.  I asked her why I was not enough for her.  This opened up a discussion of many things.  We were taking her bed apart.  She needed me to hold something while she pried the rest apart.  She had said that I had a negative outlook that was self-serving.  I had heard this before.  We ended up in an adversarial conversation that I had no interest in continuing.

I wrote that I had stepped back then and explained that there were tons of things that I think about her but don’t share because they were not appropriate.  She asked for examples and I said this wasn’t my point.  I explained that my black moods are not good for her to experience.  We discussed some of these things and her position was becoming entrenched.  Eventually she came to understand that I didn’t like sharing it we her because I saw it as a threat to the relationship.  She slowly came to realize that I hid thinks from her to keep the relationship together.

It was around then that Jessica and Michael came in.  We stared with boxes and then furniture.  Michael almost loaded some of Charlie’s stuff.  There were mirrors and there was the bed.  I said that the mattress might be better in the room for the time being but Kathryn ruled that out.

I wrote that she spent a lot of time in her truck moving stuff.  Jess watched it while Mike and I did the moving.  I had to rest for a bit.  Eventually we had everything.  Jessica took pics and Kathryn, Mike and I went to Giordano’s.  The Giants were winning.  Kathryn said that Charlie was at the game.  We talked about bands and Pittsburg.  There was a bachelor party and a band setting up.  Michael eventually got ready to leave and Kathryn and I said bye and walked to her house.  There we had a long conversation over whisky.  Norman had hurt himself on something.  We managed to avoid being entrenched in positions.  Kathryn said it wasn’t likely that Charlie would be in.  There were still a few things to pack but we left it till the morning.

I noted that I explained that an interviewer sounds really hostile sometimes because of the way that questions can seem like criticisms.  However, it is the interviewer’s job to draw the interviewee into the conversation.  I told her that in our relationship, in every case between us, in order to as we move forward I would have to accommodate her.  We got very close then.  She definitely cried and I nearly did.

I wrote that hours later she and I decided that Charlie wasn’t coming and occupied his bed.  In the moments before sleep I asked why she had overruled me on putting the bed in the truck and she said because it needed to be packed but she admitted that it could have stayed.  I told her that it seemed that she would often resist me just because she could and that sometimes she may do well to listen instead.  She agreed that she sometimes didn’t care to follow my advice because it was me and no other reason.  I thought this was a minor win.  I relish it because my attempts at collaboration were the subject of our conversation only 45 minutes earlier.  She had said that the way that I suggested working on a shared future was the problem and not her resistance to it.  Jessica texted Kathryn in the middle of the night.

On the morning of the day that I wrote this I got us coffee while she finished packing.  We were cute together like normal but in actuality this was the end.  Norman was cute and we saw Danny Mac.  I kissed her and she got in the van and I rode to Soleil to read the paper.  Jessica posted some stuff and later I rode home.  I had stopped at Swell for the surly.  I noted that I would go there in a bit.  I also noted that Kate McKracken and her best friend were having a party and that I would need to kill the NA at some point over the weekend.

Later I wrote that I went to Swell and rode a trike and then came home.  Mom and dad were back from where they had gone out to.  I got further into the NA and then noted that I was going for dinner and then to Boozeland.

This is series chronicles my life at regular intervals. This Memo series is meant to be a retrospective of what I have written and experienced. In each of these posts I use my notes in conjunction with memory, mementos and souvenirs to create a snap shot of my life.