Bus Tour Agency

I have been having trouble with my job and I bought a notebook to sort things out. I work at a. I take notes while working and have reviewed them. It is pretty obvious that I have conflicts with my coworkers regularly but there is generally no basis for it. I think that there is something going on underneath. After work I caught a bus from the Wharf to North Beach to hang out with a high school friend on her birthday.

This is a regular series chronicling my life at regular intervals. This Memo series is meant to be a retrospective of what I have written and experienced. In each of these posts I use my notes in conjunction with memory, mementos and souvenirs to create a snap shot of my life. I wrote this on the 26th of May and posted it to the blog on June 13th.

The Cat That Ran Away

Dear Master,

I suppose you are probably wondering where I am, since I haven't called from the back door in awhile. I have been rather conflicted as of late about what to say to you considering how you supported me for what seems like forever.

I have moved in with someone new; someone who is nice to me and doesn't go out as often as you do. The new place is clean like what I am used to. It's different though. Warmer for one thing. The heat is always on and I have all these comfortable sheets to sleep on.

Also, I am especially happy that I have plenty of access to the out doors since I like to think of my self as an indoor-outdoor kind of cat. A man came by recently and installed a new door here something I think you should look into. Its especially useful as I don't have to go around calling for help when ever I want to go out.

I saw a flyer you posted around the neighborhood. I almost shed a tear when I saw it. I think I can remember the photo too. Is it from our first week at the house? It looks like that box you packed with socks for me in the back ground. The flyer is dated two months ago. When I saw it I couldn't help think has it really been that long?

That got me thinking about our time together and this is why I am writing. Basically, I want you to know I enjoyed those times; that we were happy then; and I think you know this. However, as time went on I couldn't help but notice a difference between our wants and interests. Suffice to say my understanding of things didn't quite match up with yours.

I know how sending this to you must make you feel but I really couldn't bear to face you after I made this realization. I know that this letter doesn't even begin to heal the wound that my leaving inflicted upon you. I just found myself imagining what you must have gone through after I left.

Like the last time I went missing and you down at the corner store looking for me. I remember you were visibly shaken when you finally found me in that trashy mess. The fact that you were so relieved after you had freed me from that messy hole is what prompted me to send this to you, so that you knew I was alright.

I always felt that there was something missing even when I was with you. While I think that you are a great person to be with there was so much that I didn't like and I am not interested in going back to that.

I have grown up and can make my way out into the world on my own. Early on I felt I was staying because I was uncertain of what I would find out there but my uneasiness just grew and I realized that I didn't want to continue living that way. I needed to branch out and I just couldn't avoid the feeling that I was sending you the wrong message by staying.

Basically, I got tired of the late cold nights at home. Waiting. Hungry. Sitting at the window watching. Feeling trapped and having no one to turn to. There were so many times during my last days with you when I felt that it would be so easy to slip out when the door opened. Or when you left the back door open on the weekends for me.

I want you to know that I look back upon you with fondness and I believe that I was shaped by the life we led together. However, there was so much that I wanted for us to achieve but I didn't have the energy to hold things up for both of us.

Fact is I am a free spirit and don't deserve to be treated like a kept animal. This is why I so much enjoy my new companion. I am not interested in insulting you with all of the details. I am happier now and don't want you to miss me anymore like I think you have been.

I had to make things happen for yourself and I feel like I was successful and once you admit to yourself that it wasn't working I think that you will realize that we needed to give up.

Recognize that there is so much more out there. I think that you will someday find what you need and please don't do anything you will regret. I know that you have probably been at your wits end over me. You need to just move on things are different now.

I think you really need to think about everyone's feelings in this.

With love,
Whiskers

People Near Venice

I hung out with my friend in the city and then a couple of days later I drove her to LA to drop off some paintings. I had to take a couple of days off from the Bus Tour Agency that I work at. In LA I met some people near Venice and then drove to Long Beach. I have about five friends there. We had tacos and beers. Later I stayed at one of their friends and drove home to SF. I had to get back to work.
This is a regular series chronicling my life at regular intervals. This Memo series is meant to be a retrospective of what I have written and experienced. In each of these posts I use my notes in conjunction with memory, mementos and souvenirs to create a snap shot of my life. I wrote this on the 26th of May and posted it to the blog on June 13th.

Atomizing the Problem

I’m planning a trip to LA and have been really deep into interpreting the comments I received from my advisor regarding my thesis. I had been working on a new draft for many months and when she sent me her review I had not heard from her in many months. I looked at a number of resources to learn exactly what it was that she had sent me as well as decide what I needed to do to address her comments. I looked at about six of her emails—old and new—as well as several older drafts and notes. I put them all together and then wrote a long description of what I saw in chronological order. This method of description is my way of doing research. I find that it is particularly onerous but effective. My only problem is that it can never happen quickly.

I was especially having problems with my stats. Basically, every stats problem is unique. I have found that asking someone else for help means that they have to do it for you. I have finally begun to understand how to address this using the conversation and my books to deal with each problem on a low level. I think of this as atomizing the problem into specific steps that are not so unique. If and when I do need help I can ask about these things instead.

This is a regular series chronicling my life at regular intervals. This Memo series is meant to be a retrospective of what I have written and experienced. In each of these posts I use my notes in conjunction with memory, mementos and souvenirs to create a snap shot of my life. I wrote this on the 26th of May and posted it to the blog on June 13th.